It’s nice to say that things are finally calming down here. And
my holiday spirits are a little up! I guess my cynicism for American holiday
crap hasn’t totally overrun my childish excitement for presents and delicious
food and seeing family. It’s definitely different than I ever thought it’d be-
life. But, life just IS sometimes, and you’ve gotta just take a deep breath and
continue on the best you can.
It was good to hang out with my dad tonight again. Things
are just awkward with both parents when there’s a divorce. Well, with me
anyway. I realize some people have had it WAY harder and I feel like I shouldn’t
complain. [But then again, I do have a right to. I’m realizing I do have a
right to voice my opinion. Not like an ignorant, prideful person, but
expressing my feelings in a truthful, clear, gentle-as-possible way, and that I
DO have a say in things.] So I feel like things are going back to normal, in
the most normal way they could. I do feel that ache in the bottom of my heart
still, when things happen such as:
Leaving dad tonight to himself all alone in his house while
we go home to open presents with my mom’s side of the family.
Hearing my sister play two worship songs in a row on
Christmas morning at midnight, when she’s not been to church in months!
Seeing my thirteen y/o twin sisters battle with not fitting
in and for some reason not moving past their young mindsets.
Hearing my ten y/o brother say, ”Sometimes life is hard but
you just have to work with what is dealt to you.”
Seeing my younger sister dating a guy and being happy, when
I’ve never dated a guy in my life. And then
seeing my other sister jump from
guy to guy because she’s drawn to the bad ones.
But like I’ve realized, you can only do so much in life. Not
that we have no power whatsoever and “Such is life,” but at the same time I can’t
save everyone. Oucchh, yep.
So, for Christmas I want a bigger heart! For Jesus, for
people, for myself. So..
Merry birthday, Jesus! I love You! Let’s do a gift exchange.
I give you my heart and you give me a BETTER one! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment